I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
