Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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