My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
