I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize