can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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