theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
