i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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