then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
