Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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