Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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