Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
