I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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