If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
