last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
