After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
