Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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