drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
