His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
