I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
