Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
