at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
