boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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