I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
