My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i dont even know how to be here
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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