i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
