3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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