Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
