It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
