Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
