Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
