I wish I only lived at night.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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