Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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