i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
