Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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