my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
