My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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