btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
