On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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