I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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