I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
