Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
