They should really pass out barf bags in church
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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