Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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