he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
