u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize