At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
