I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
