you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
