I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
