Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
