I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
