Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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