she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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