Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
