I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize