i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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