I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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