On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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