I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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