I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Drunk is not a location!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
