3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
